SHE FOUND HAPPINESS
“No!”
Ana shouts as she wakes up again from another nightmare. She looked over to see
if she had wakened up her to younger brothers Thomas and Cole. As a twenty one
year old, she hated sharing a room with her younger brothers, but it was the
only option since she wasn’t married, or even dating anyone.
“Another dream muck face?” Thomas asked, while
yawning.
“What did I tell you about calling
me that Thomas?” Ana hissed while turning back around. “Now hush up, and
go back to sleep!” she said, hoping he wouldn’t mention another word about it.
‘Muck face’ was the nickname Ana’s father
would call her when she was a little girl. Thomas was the only one who knew
about Ana’s dreams she would have about her father, and how much she missed
him. All he knew was that he died a few years after the world war. He always
felt a little bad that he and Cole always had John, Ana’s step- father and
their father. Ana’s mother Theresa, had met John a few years after his death,
and married shortly after. Although, she had been living with them since she
was a child, John was the only father figure, well somewhat, she had in her
life. They were never close, at all, but Ana accepted him because she loved her
mother dearly, and did not want to ruin anything between them, no matter how
much she did not like him.
The next evening Ana got up and ready for her evening job at Muddy’s. Muddy’s
was the black’s only jazz café that she worked at as a waitress. Ana loved
Muddy’s like it was her second home. The atmosphere was always filled with
liveliness and excitement. Anyone who wanted to go out, have fun and dance,
came there. It was always live performances by many of the young
black-musicians coming up around Chicago. It was like Ana’s escape place from
her real home. It was a different setting from living with her family,
being truly alone, and it had James Huff, the newest singing stride piano player
in town. James was a handsome black man who was always humble and
especially nice towards Ana. He always seemed to find himself at Muddy’s
because it gave him plenty of practice and perhaps an opportunity to catch a
famous band director or musician. Not only was Ana impressed by his amazing
talent, but she adored how humble and kind he was to others. Ana knew James had
some type of interest in her, but she was just waiting for him to actually ask
to take her out.
“Help Miss Ana, how are you this evening?”
James said walking her way.
“I’m lovely, and you?” she said, walking to
clean a table.
“That you are.” James smiled back.
This would finally be the night he was going
to ask Ana out. Ana began to blush as she started to wipe down a table.
“Thank you” she said.
Three months later, James finally had a big gig at Muddy’s. Quincy Sharpton,
the famous saxophonist had heard from around the area about James, and wanted
to see for himself. James had heard about the possibility of Quincy showing up
and was nervous. Ana and he had been dating for a while, and if Quincy was
impressed, he would have to move, travel, and leave Ana. He didn’t want to go
that route. He knew the feelings he had for her and decided to propose to her
that same evening...
That
night, Muddy’s was crowded. All the young people, couples mostly, had come to
listen to James perform. He was doing so well, and Ana was so proud. She was
even dancing and singing along while working. At the end of the show, Ana
waited for James to tell him how happy and proud she was of him. James knew
this was the moment. He opened up his jacket, and inside his pocket took out a
dingy white handkerchief. Inside, was a small silver ring with a little clear
stone.
“It
was my mother’s” James said. Ana was so happy she cried and took the ring.
Things were finally becoming better for her. She was getting married, moving,
and starting a new life.
I liked your story and I thought it was planned out well. The structure was good and it went chronologically. You need to fix the grammar a bit. I was confused at some parts due to how you spelled and punctuated things. Your organization was also good. I could sense the voice in the story. I was able to tell how Ana felt and how others felt. I like the setting of the story also. You audience was apparent.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story, but grammar was a little bad. Your audience was clear, young adults in love. Structure of story was nice, each paragraph was all the same legnth. Organization was good too. The story went well in order. Overall just fix some minor mispelled words and punctuation.
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